fuck calculus

like seriously, im still working on my homework. and you know what the fucked up thing is...im getting almost all the questions wrong. and i have no fucking clue what im fucking doing wrong. i know you're probably thinking, well why don't you ask Brian for help. well i even did that, except i think he's either a-asleep, b-drunk, or c-something else. so he can't help me either and i am FUCKED for my quiz tomorrow. what a joy! oh and the grades for this class are gonna be majorly curved like a 90+ is an A+ and like 85-90 is an A and 79-84 is an A-. which brings me to another point. if even fucking JHU gives A+'s then why the fuck doesn't fucking NYU do that too?!?!?!?! seriously there is a HUGE difference between a med school seeing an A and then seeing an A+. so like seriously NYU think about this. and start giving students A+'s. if B+'s exist then so should A+'s.



☮ hope ♥

so pissed

today started off as a good day. you know besides going to calculus monday morning. but i did not have a hangover so it wasn't that bad. and the class itself today, was not that bad. except for getting my quizzes from last week back. i mean they weren't all bad just one of the three. and my instructor drops the two lowest quizzes. and i was pretty concerned about my grade but i remembered the dropping so i felt much relief because my next lowest quiz grade is an 88%. so i get home and what does my father ask while he's on the phone talking to someone else, "did you get any quizzes back?" and i said "yeah ill talk to you when you're done." eventually he got of the phone and i said "just remember she drops the two lowest quizzes and even if she didn't my quiz average with this quiz is a 95%." i didn't calculate my grade with the quiz being dropped because i had a quiz today, have one tomorrow, and have one on wednesday. but still he got all mad and flipped shit. and he was like "why did you do so bad?" and i said "i didn't have time to study for this quiz because i had the midterm the day i had to do the work for this one." and then he said, "you're telling me that between 1 pm [time i get home from school] and 9 am [time my class starts] you did not have time to study for your test? did you have work?" and i said "no. i wanted to take a break. i had just done the midterm and i couldn't concentrate on studying." anyhow. he is beyond pissed at me and i am beyond pissed at him. like seriously my quiz average with the fucking quiz is a fucking 95%. i never did this fucking good the first time around in calculus two fucking years ago. and my grade in the class right now, is even higher than my quiz average because quizzes are only 25% and on the midterm, which is 35% i got a fucking 100%. seriously my dad needs to fucking stop. yes i feel horrible about doing so bad, but look at the fucking bright side. its like bright as fucking hell. seroiusly! ughhh so pissed.



☮ hope ♥

today

first thing first: last night should not have happened, especially since i had to be at work at 10:30.
secondly: i am pissed as fuck at fucking Brian.
third: i feel like i am about to die.

last night as you all know i went to a party. and as all of you know i tend to drink a lot when i drink. id say i had about ten drinks in all, a few poppers, a few rum screwdrivers, and lots of vodka. and as a result drunk Priya was out and about. my friend's ipod was on shuffle and this song "Hey" by Lil Jon and 3OH!3 came on. the first time around only a select few had heard it. and we ALL loved it so much that we decided we HAD to replay it. at one point in the song Lil Jon goes, "SHOT SHOT SHOT SHOT!" and there were about forty of us at this party and when that part came on, someone came up with the fabulous idea to take four shots at that part. now no where near did we have 160 shot glasses. so SOLO CUPS. in one cup there were four shots so you could just drink four times when the "SHOT SHOT SHOT SHOT" part came on. since we were short on time, the song is only 3:45 minutes long, and we had to make forty drinks in that time i wasn't the only one mixing drinks. so one of my friends, who was making my drink decided that instead of giving me four shots to give me six. and i had already had two drinks, so more alcohol in me was really really really not needed. anyhow drunk Priya= whore Priya. although last night i was more of a make-out whore than anything else. so i stayed over at my friends house and for some reason after going to bed at four i woke up at fucking six!! and i only got fucking two fucking hours of fucking sleep. and Brian, Rebecca, and my friend's ex-boyfriend were all in my dream. it was really weird because i don't talk to the ex-boyfriend at all. like we're facebook friends and such but we never talk. i haven't talked to him in a good year and a half. at least. so i went home and then drank LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of water to get rid of that awful hangover, which worked. and then i went to the gym for a bit. normally hungover people shouldn't work out, but for me somehow it helps me get back to normal. i have no clue why that is, but it works for me so i put it to use. and then i went to work and then the mall with my mom.

Brian fucking William fucking Beisel. i am sooo fucking pissed off at him it's not even fucking funny. yesterday we were supposed to hang out and i woke up at noon, because i was hungover, although not too badly, to text him to see what time we were gonna hang, and he said he had to do something but after that. and then i told him to call me an hour before so i could get ready and stuff because i was going back to sleep. the fucker never called or texted me back and we did not hang out yesterday. i know why this is making me soo mad even though it shouldn't. i mean it's really not that big of a deal, but he should have had the decency to call or text me and say "hey i can't hang out today" or something along those lines. anyhow. im really really mad at him. i wish i wasn't so mad about it.

so i have my calculus final this week. and it is gonna kill me. like seriously. i don't get what we did last class. but i did something a little different to get the right answers to the homework. which is okay, unless she asks us to do it the certain way, which i don't get. but other than that i get it so far. but i still feel like it is going to kick my ass. first because i get test anxiety. and second because i don't want to ask Brian for help because i am soo fucking mad at him. but if i need it i'll probably just get over myself and ask him. anyway. im really freaking out about this final because i need to get an A. yes i did fine on the midterm, but the final is more about the stuff after the midterm than before. i mean i still need to know the stuff from before the midterm, but it's gonna be more about the stuff after. so i really really really need to concentrate. and not party monday, tuesday, and wednesday night. tonight i might i might not. im not quite sure how im feeling about it right now.



☮ hope ♥

parties

ugh my god. some people really really really suck. last night i was at this party, which my friend and i made about 50 bucks each, and there were people who were being obnoxious as hell. and it was really fucking annoying. like seriously. even when you're drunk you can't be THAT bad. some of the things these people did includes, breaking glasses, doing back flips on the driveway when clearly there are rocks right there, and throwing bottles at each other just for the hell of it, to name a few. like seriously people...really?!?! do you really not know any better? anyway. other than those few things it was a pretty fun party. lots of tequila, rum, and vodka. my three favorites. tonight, another night another party.



☮ hope ♥

limits

so last night as you all know i was at a party...which will be the same case tonight in like ten mins; so sorry but this is gonna be a quick post. anyway. last night, i realized something very important. everyone needs to know their alcohol limit. like seriously people. if you're a light weight like myself, three drinks and your done, don't go and have ten unless they are spread out and you are constantly drinking water/gatorade, and eating. seriously. the reason this was brought up to my attention is that this guy who can handle about ten drinks in a short period of time was like, "it's my best friends birthday i should drink extra for him." how much extra did he decide to take? five shots of tequila. seriously?!?!?! five!!! that shit fucks you up real good, which is partially why it is my drank. but that is not the point. the point is when i was making him..well more like pouring him drink number fifteen, i gave it to him and then he dropped the shot. like legit dropped the shot. and tequila on the floor with drunk people all around, not a good combo. seriously. not a good one. people need to know their limit and NOT drink an extra five shots for their best friend.



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almost done

im getting really fucking freaked out. this morning i woke up at five because of a dream i had. Brian fucking died in my fucking dream. goddamnit. what the fuck is going on?!?!?! like seriously?!?!?! he fucking died. what does that fucking mean? i bet it has something with what im trying to do for him but im not sure. actually im pretty sure it does. but why am i having dreams where he is fucking dying?? that is fucking ridiculous. i can't deal with this anymore.
oh and on top of all this shit, i have fucking calculus to fucking deal with. i really want an A in the class, and as of right now even if i get a 50% on the final ill end up with a B- in the class, which is not what i want. but still it's nice to know that i have something going for me. but i really need to do well on the final. because i really really really want an A. like that was my goal. and i am determined to keep it.
that's pretty much my life right now. kinda boring but it's better than it being bad, right?


☮ hope ♥

life

today's post is not being sent from where it normally is, that being my house. right now im at a friend's house. and if i can give you one good piece of advice, never ever ever (i can't stress the "ever" enough) let your friends make you a drink when you don't know what is in it. right now im not talking about what my friends did to me, but rather what i did to one of my friends. hehe =]. he still loves me =].
anyhow. im not sure what's been going on with me lately, but whatever it is, it really needs to fucking stop. i still have not had a decent night of sleep in forever. and it's kinda really beginning to freak me out. i keep having the first dream i did with Brian. and now im getting used to depressed Brian, which is not like him in actuality at all! and i just wish i knew what the fuck is fucking going on because this is beyond fucking ridiculousness.
in other news, i feel like everything that happened when i was 17 is coming back to haunt me now. i had a strange dream last night and James was in it. he was the one who "drunk texted" the motherfucker to get some answers. and i told him to never talk to her again but i feel like he will. im not sure why. i know he hates her, as do all of my friends who know this story, but i hope he just doesn't talk to her ever again. it's too much to deal with. it has been nearly two years and still it fucking bothers me to this day. i know most of you who read this don't know what im talking about. and that's because only five people know about this story. and i can't write it out on here because it just makes me sick to my stomach. and i need to be way way way way way drunk and not only drunk but a sad drunk to tell this story. and im never a sad drunk, unless im sad and then i start drinking. so those of you who want to hear this story will have to see me to hear it.
also today i saw Courtney and we went to Tutti Frutti. then we went back to her house and watched Wimbledon. we were watching the Isner versus Mahut match, which STILL has not finished. it's gone on for over nine fucking hours, and is doing some major major major record setting. anyway that's all for now.


☮ hope ♥

yay

sorry for the late post, but i just finished my calc homework. which by the way i have no clue what i did. anyway. today, well technically yesterday, i got my midterm back i got a 200 out of 210. but she curved it and said to divide the grade you got by 2 and that'll be the percentage. so basically i just got a 100% on my fucking midterm! woohoo. but im still gonna freak out about the final. no doubt about that. which by the way is next friday.
in other news, i talked to Rebski and Brian today. im still not sure when she is coming down, but she deffffff is coming in july. that is for fucking sure. otherwise i will go up to Philly and bring her down myself. today Brian asked about Rebski, but that is probably because i mentioned her. that's all i really have for today. now im gonna go to bed because i have been up since fucking five in the fucking morning because i couldn't go back to sleep.



☮ hope ♥

today

calculus kicked my motherfucking ass. like for reall. that midterm fucking intense. and i should be celebrating the end but that's gonna be tomorrow =]. not much else happened today. it was a pretty chill day. ooo but i did find out that me and my friend, Adrienne are gonna be part of move in day at not only the same time but the same residence hall! so i am uber uber uber excited and she's gonna make me and Brian white chocolate chip expresso brownies!!! Brian is hopefully gonna visit me then! yayyyyyyyy!!! that'll be the first time he visits me, which is kinda sad but that's okay!



☮ hope ♥

life

so today i woke up with a hangover, went to work, and did not go to the gym. later today i will be studying for calculus, after i take my dad out to dinner. btw, i just saw the cutest pic of little Brian. anyway. last night was pretty awesome. my friend and i made about a hundred bucks each from the party. well more like 80 each, but still pretty good shit =]. it was mad funnnn! and i only did a few minor stupid things, so sorry for not having any fun and exciting stories. =[



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life

so today at work i found out that one of my co-workers was my mom's student! and boy was that a surprise. she told me that she remembered back in the day when i was eight-ish and i would go to work with my mom, for take your child to work day. what a small world! anyway. right now im at my friend's house and we be having a partayyyy! so after work i went straight here and then to giant. yayyyy! that's really all for right now.



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this is not going to make sense

i really fucked up. and now its bothering me. why do i have to get them together?!?! why did i have to find someone? other people could've found someone. why ask me? like seriously why don't i have more girl friends? and then maybe it wouldn't bother me so much. well i guess i have more guy friends because i think like a guy so i have more guy friends. i literally have like five girl friends. i know what i did is a good thing for them, but why is it bothering me? well i know the answer to that. but i hate relationships, so why is it bothering me. even if it could work out with me id never go for it. EVER! so why do i wish i didn't do that?


☮ hope ♥

fuck calculus

so apparently i do better in calculus when im hungover. isn't that like fucking awesome. but im def not putting that to test on monday. bc that's when i have my fucking midterm for that fucking class. that's gonna be funnnn. NOT. like for reallll not. i fucking hate fucking calculus. and the instructor can't even fucking teach. its soooo bad. ughhhh fuck calculus.


☮ hope ♥

calculus

so yesterday i forgot to post. i am truly sorry. =[ but ummm my fucking calculus exam is on fucking monday. i am NOT looking forward to that. although i get everything that is going to be on it, so i guess i should be okay. but much of the next two days are going to be dedicated to calculus. so if i don't post i am really very sorry. btw going hungover to calculus, not a good idea. i mean i never thought it was smart, but the fact that i did it. well let's just say not the best idea. lady gaga's alejandro was stuck in my head all fucking day. like for real. that fucking needs to stop. i love her old stuff, you know, just dance, poker face, that stuff. i can't stand what she's turned into. and my new favorite song, say aah by Trey Songz. love it!!!



☮ hope ♥

Calculus

fuck calculus. no seriously fuck it in the ass. like for real. ughhhh i hate it so goddamn motherfucking much. it just needs to go the fuck away. yeah this is all i got for today. im soooo fucking frustrated. its like beyond fucking ridic. i can't take fucking calculus anymore. and my brain is just not functioning anymore.


☮ hope ♥

Shyam

so today i went to the gym and then to work. but before i went to work i went to Kenneth Cole to see if my friend Shyam was working and he was. except he told me that his mom's cancer was back. and damn i feel so bad for him. his mom is like one of the nicest people in the world, and this is happening to her. it's so sad. and she had it before and it went away after chemo and stuff, and now it's back. he told me that she nearly died the first time and that he's prepared for the worst, and it just made my heart sink. god i hope she gets better.



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life

today i spent $50 on shoes. and i mean i love them and all, but still i spent 50 bucks on them. that is way more than i ever spend on shoes. and umm last night while i was at a party i called Alec and i told him about a certain situation that i have created for myself. which id rather not post on here. and i was pretty sad last night so i had to talk to someone i guess and i chose Alec. apparently i knew i wouldn't remember much so i told him last night to text me today because he said he would help me out. so during my break i called him and we talked for a good twenty mins. it was nice hearing his voice again. and i fucking miss fucking nyc.



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Brian

it was sooooooooo nice seeing Brian today. we just talked for like ever and ever he was here for like three hours and we just caught up on life. and we talked about Rebecca and him getting together. Brian said he needed a girl, so Rebecca it is. and when she comes down Geoffery is gonna come too. and then the four of us are gonna do something. i can't wait till then it'll be sooooo damn funnn. me and Brian talked about everything today. and i mean everything: girls/guys, energy drinks, drinking, Rebecca, Geoffery, smoking, school, and people. and hopefully i'll be seeing more of Brian next week. it's been mad long since i've seen him.



☮ hope ♥

life

yesterday i meant to post something about another dream i had the night before last, which also happens to be one of my dreams from last night, but i forgot =[. first off, today i was very excited that my calculus class ended early. secondly, today at work everyone, and i mean EVERYONE loved my shoes. and my manager loved my jeans even though they weren't Loft. and another good thing i get to see Brian today! like in an hour or two. but im still having those dreams. and yesterday Rebski suggested to limit the coffee, and i feel like she guilt tripped me. so today, i only had three cups of coffee so far. that's like a major record for me!
anyway. so my dream last night and the night before last. i don't remember much of it. all i remember is Rebski, Brian, me, and a bunch of other people at a bar. and Brian and I were pressuring Rebski to drink more. and we told the bartender to add extra Bacardi to her pina coladas, which he did! it was great. she was piss fucking drunk!!!! like drunken beyond belief. and when we were going home (she lived like a block away from me) Brian had to carry her. and we decided to let her sleep in my apartment because she was so so so hammered. and that is all i remember =[.
anyway. these dreams need to stop. hopefully today they will. like seriously i really really hope so. because this is beyond ridiculous. like seriously.



☮ hope ♥

ughhhh

okay. so this is getting beyond ridic. last night i had another dream. Rebski was in this one, as was Brian. so me and Rebski were in med school together, and i believe we were in New York City, and Brian wanted to visit me because apparently i hadn't seen him in forever. so i told him to come up after the huge exam Rebski and i were having. and so he did. and normally Rebski is all about NOT drinking sorrows away, but this time her and i were drinking our sorrows away. and there were some other people with us, who i couldn't recognize and/or don't remember. and me and Rebski lived really close to each other. so her, me, and Brian walked back together, and boy were we drunk out of our minds. and i should mention that Brian had a serious girlfriend, because i asked him when they were gonna get married. and anyway. i slept with Brian, which i guess could be blamed on the alcohol; even though i would never do that, even if i was that drunk...well id like to think that. and then the next morning i couldn't remember shit. and we fucked again. and that time there wasn't any alcohol. i wouldn't do that. so i have no clue what these dreams mean. but someone please help me. because this is driving me crazy!



☮ hope ♥

ughhh fuck my dreams

i am going completely insane. i swear. this is beyond fucking ridic. i haven't had dreams like this since i don't know maybe four five years ago. and now this shit needs to stop, like for real. last night i had the opportunity of having ANOTHER dream. and this time i was a homewrecker. and sadly i've already kinda been there, done that. kinda being i was fucking this friend of mine, and then he got a girlfriend. but she said it was too early in their relationship to have sex, so i continued to fuck him. and so yeah but once they were doing it i was out of the picture. and the weird thing is i didn't feel bad about that. but in my dream i felt TERRIBLE about it. i can't remember exactly what happened, but damn i felt bad. i kept telling Brian that we can't even though both of us wanted to. what i really want to know is what the fuck do these dreams mean; they are driving me fucking insane.



☮ hope ♥

Katie time

so last night i went to the movies with Katie! we saw Killers, with Katherine Heigl and Ashton Kutcher. and omg omg omg sooooo good! i suggest everyone should go see it. it's just soooo fucking good. and i told Katie about the creepy dreams i've been having lately and she thinks that one of them has to do with Maddie, which i completely agree with. and these dreams won't stop. and they are driving me INSANE. ughhhhhh i can't do this anymore. oh and my dad drank one of Brian's redbulls, but that's just Brian's fault for not seeing me earlier. other than the dreams life is good!



☮ hope ♥

JHU time

so last night i was at a party at JHU. and ummm it was decent. i normally don't go to dorm parties, because i go to school in nyc. so we just go out and stuff. but it was kinda fun. and like always i did something stupid. that's like always a given with me. but anyway. he wanted a screwdriver, and what did i give him a shark bite. haha i felt sooo smart. i really do know how to make my drinks lol. i promise! and i stayed there for the night and came back like an hour ago. and i have work in an hour. yay!



☮ hope ♥

dreams and dreams

so once again i had the same dreams last night. and it's sooooooo fucking annoying like for real they NEED to stop. this really all i have time to day right now. because i am about to go out, so i will talk about what happens hopefully tomorrow!



☮ hope ♥

dreams

for some reason i forgot to post yesterday but the night before i had ANOTHER weird dream about Brian. we were hanging out and then the next thing i knew i was outside his house driving my car crazily around his cul-de-sac. it was sooo weird. and he was outside his house getting into his car and was completely ignoring me. so i got out and yelled at him for a good good good while. and then i woke up. and i had the other dream again. so im getting really freaked out. does anyone know what either of the dreams mean??



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life and it's strange things

so last night i had the strangest dream ever possible. Brian was over at my house at around one or two in the morning because he wanted to talk about stuff going on in his life. and we talked for like ever; i don't remember what was going on in his life. all i remember is telling him he needs to get some fucking shit taken care off. and then at like three my parents start to roll up the drive way. and im like ill just tell them Courtney had to leave her car here. but Brian had to ruin it by not hiding, so my parents saw him and asked him why he was there. and he said in the most depressing voice ever fucking possible "i just needed some life help" or something along those lines. and then i woke up.
the scary thing about this is sometimes my dreams come true. so at 7:30 in the morning before i left for my fucking calculus class i texted Brian, "Hey i know its mad early but are okay? Im not trying to be creepy or anything, i just had the strangest dream about you last night." and he told me he was fine and work is taking over his life.
also today, calculus started =[. i really am not looking forward to this shit. like seriously, the woman teaching it can't even speak english and she's a second year graduate student. there is something wrong with that. after that i had to do some random shit around campus, parking permit, j-card, getting my textbook...you get the flow. then i came home, bought the book off of Half for $60 and not $130. and then went to Courtney's house and then to Tutti Frutti. then i went back to her house and we watched this movie based on Dragon Ball-Z, which was decent.



☮ hope ♥