life

today's post is not being sent from where it normally is, that being my house. right now im at a friend's house. and if i can give you one good piece of advice, never ever ever (i can't stress the "ever" enough) let your friends make you a drink when you don't know what is in it. right now im not talking about what my friends did to me, but rather what i did to one of my friends. hehe =]. he still loves me =].
anyhow. im not sure what's been going on with me lately, but whatever it is, it really needs to fucking stop. i still have not had a decent night of sleep in forever. and it's kinda really beginning to freak me out. i keep having the first dream i did with Brian. and now im getting used to depressed Brian, which is not like him in actuality at all! and i just wish i knew what the fuck is fucking going on because this is beyond fucking ridiculousness.
in other news, i feel like everything that happened when i was 17 is coming back to haunt me now. i had a strange dream last night and James was in it. he was the one who "drunk texted" the motherfucker to get some answers. and i told him to never talk to her again but i feel like he will. im not sure why. i know he hates her, as do all of my friends who know this story, but i hope he just doesn't talk to her ever again. it's too much to deal with. it has been nearly two years and still it fucking bothers me to this day. i know most of you who read this don't know what im talking about. and that's because only five people know about this story. and i can't write it out on here because it just makes me sick to my stomach. and i need to be way way way way way drunk and not only drunk but a sad drunk to tell this story. and im never a sad drunk, unless im sad and then i start drinking. so those of you who want to hear this story will have to see me to hear it.
also today i saw Courtney and we went to Tutti Frutti. then we went back to her house and watched Wimbledon. we were watching the Isner versus Mahut match, which STILL has not finished. it's gone on for over nine fucking hours, and is doing some major major major record setting. anyway that's all for now.


☮ hope ♥

life and it's strange things

so last night i had the strangest dream ever possible. Brian was over at my house at around one or two in the morning because he wanted to talk about stuff going on in his life. and we talked for like ever; i don't remember what was going on in his life. all i remember is telling him he needs to get some fucking shit taken care off. and then at like three my parents start to roll up the drive way. and im like ill just tell them Courtney had to leave her car here. but Brian had to ruin it by not hiding, so my parents saw him and asked him why he was there. and he said in the most depressing voice ever fucking possible "i just needed some life help" or something along those lines. and then i woke up.
the scary thing about this is sometimes my dreams come true. so at 7:30 in the morning before i left for my fucking calculus class i texted Brian, "Hey i know its mad early but are okay? Im not trying to be creepy or anything, i just had the strangest dream about you last night." and he told me he was fine and work is taking over his life.
also today, calculus started =[. i really am not looking forward to this shit. like seriously, the woman teaching it can't even speak english and she's a second year graduate student. there is something wrong with that. after that i had to do some random shit around campus, parking permit, j-card, getting my textbook...you get the flow. then i came home, bought the book off of Half for $60 and not $130. and then went to Courtney's house and then to Tutti Frutti. then i went back to her house and we watched this movie based on Dragon Ball-Z, which was decent.



☮ hope ♥

Courtney

so today i saw Courtney! and we talked and talked and talked some more and then we started job hunting online. and my computer seems to hate everyone except me. i mean it's a good thing that it doesn't hate me, but i wish it liked everyone else too. and then we talked and went to Noodles and Co. for lunch! i missed that place. soooooo fucking good.


☮ hope ♥

life

so today i saw Courtney after the longest time. well it felt like a long ass time, anyway we went to the mall and just hung out. it was nice. im soo glad i get to see my friends again. and i also got my chemistry final exam grade, my philosophy exam, and my chemistry lab final grade. and you know what's really fucked up??? i do fine in the classes for my major/focus but i do worse on my required classes. those are supposed to be worse. and also today i brought into perspective the possibility of doing a double major in psychology and chemistry.



☮ hope ♥