life

today's post is not being sent from where it normally is, that being my house. right now im at a friend's house. and if i can give you one good piece of advice, never ever ever (i can't stress the "ever" enough) let your friends make you a drink when you don't know what is in it. right now im not talking about what my friends did to me, but rather what i did to one of my friends. hehe =]. he still loves me =].
anyhow. im not sure what's been going on with me lately, but whatever it is, it really needs to fucking stop. i still have not had a decent night of sleep in forever. and it's kinda really beginning to freak me out. i keep having the first dream i did with Brian. and now im getting used to depressed Brian, which is not like him in actuality at all! and i just wish i knew what the fuck is fucking going on because this is beyond fucking ridiculousness.
in other news, i feel like everything that happened when i was 17 is coming back to haunt me now. i had a strange dream last night and James was in it. he was the one who "drunk texted" the motherfucker to get some answers. and i told him to never talk to her again but i feel like he will. im not sure why. i know he hates her, as do all of my friends who know this story, but i hope he just doesn't talk to her ever again. it's too much to deal with. it has been nearly two years and still it fucking bothers me to this day. i know most of you who read this don't know what im talking about. and that's because only five people know about this story. and i can't write it out on here because it just makes me sick to my stomach. and i need to be way way way way way drunk and not only drunk but a sad drunk to tell this story. and im never a sad drunk, unless im sad and then i start drinking. so those of you who want to hear this story will have to see me to hear it.
also today i saw Courtney and we went to Tutti Frutti. then we went back to her house and watched Wimbledon. we were watching the Isner versus Mahut match, which STILL has not finished. it's gone on for over nine fucking hours, and is doing some major major major record setting. anyway that's all for now.


☮ hope ♥